is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
