just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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