We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
