no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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