When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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