Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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