If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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