All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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