I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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