P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
