Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
