Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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