areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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