My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
