$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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