to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
