shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
