Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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