sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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