If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize