The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
