Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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