so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
