Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
