he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
