Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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