the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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