cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
