I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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