I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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