My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
