Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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