I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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