I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
