One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
