I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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