My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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