i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize