Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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