do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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