You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
