I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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