You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.