i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy