He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no you cant smoke seaweed
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?