I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
