she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
