Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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