why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
