I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
