why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
