i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
not ubering you a puppy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
