he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
