Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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