its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize