Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
