I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
