I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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