We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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