Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
