Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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