it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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