I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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