I wanna passion pit in your ass
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
