im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
