Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
