I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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