Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
