The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize