I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
