just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
