Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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