Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
