he shaved USA in his pubs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My bed smells like the plague
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
