When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
