Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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